Never Going To Ralphs Again

So after a shitty day at work I decided that I needed to drink alot of beer and get shitty drunk in my room, because I can. I go to Ralphs grocery store and I get a 12 pack of my favorite beer pyramid hefeweizen then head off to checkout. I give the lady my I.D. and here is how the event played out.

(Keep in mind this lady is like 35)
Creepy Cashier Lady: "Brenton Brenton...you look like a serial killer."
Me: looks up with a what the fuck did you just say expression on my face "pardon?"
Creepy Cashier Lady: "Yeah, your friends call you Brent right?"
Me: "Yeah, I look like a serial killer in my I.D. picture or now with my mustahce?"
Creepy Cashier Lady: "Right now with your mustache, do you get that a lot?"
Me: Still with a what the fuck expression on my face "Here and there I guess."
Creepy Cashier Lady: "Yeah your friends call you Brent, I was looking at your myspace. What was that song you had on your profile?"
Me: WHAAAAAAAAAT THE FUCK!? "Umm I'm not sure right now I change it a lot....."
Creepy Cashier Lady: "Oh ok well, let me see your tattoo I saw it in your pictures"
Me: "uhhh ok, how do I know you?"
Creepy Cashier Lady: "Oh, you don't"
Me: "Ahhh ok...who do I know that knows you then?"
Creepy Cashier Lady: "Nobody"
Me: what the shit? "Ahh ok well take care"
Creepy Cashier Lady: "I'll be seeing you" (j/k she didnt say that) she said "You too Brent"

So I'm a bit...no really creeped out by that. I do look like a serial killer with my mustache I'll give her that. BUT who says that out loud, and what 35 yr old Ralphs cashier lady creeps on my myspace page for that matter? Weeeeeird, not going back to that store.

Hopefully I'm not murdered in my sleep tonight because she reads my blog too haha. Ralphs lady I'm joking...I heart you, really I do :/ (Help)

Update! It was Jamsters mom haha Oh Kathleen you scared me.

Banksy

Savages

Feed Yourself, Neglect The Children

Smile, Were Bringing Democracy?

Here We Go Again


All artwork done by Banksy an amazing graffiti artist.


Check out Banksy at http://banksy.co.uk/menu.html

Rawr!

Hey you! C'mere a minute. This is going to be my next tattoo because I know you were thinking to yourself "self, I wonder what Brent wants for his next tattoo?" so now you know, I'm glad I could help. If you know what the picture is from you are officially almost as cool as I am (your almost there, dont worry lil tike!).Ok ok did you figure out what it is yet....its the RADIOHEAD bear assclown you know, the band? Maybe I should get it on my big toe, or my ankle, or or...a tramp stamp! Then again I think my bulging bicep is as good a place as any.

P.S. My nose isnt crooked is it? haha and no NOT EMO just douchebaggery.

Dont Read This

So I'm bored and contemplating the meaning of life (not really) and I decided to enthral you with some of my deep thoughts.

Its simple, you may of meant exactly what you said when you said it, but that doesn't make it right. I find myself reading into things alot more than I really should be and not taking things for face value recently, because frankly...your full of shit, but so am I. So do yourself and I a favor and critically analyze the rhetoric that is spewed at you constantly, or actually now that I think of it...don't, its a waste of time. Go rub one out instead.
Giggidy!

Never Pass Out First

Sit and think for a minute if any of these have ever happened to you. You drink way too much, you blackout, you wake up decorated with weiners swastikas and God knows what else drawn on you complemented by a nice hot pink lipstick, blue eyeshadow, and red blush just to make you look like a crack whore. If these sound familiar then you deserved it for passing out you wreck. I sugest you pray to the alcohol gods and beg them that what happened to these poor souls in the following pictures never happens to you. Oh and...
1. Never ever fall asleep first.
2. Make the person who fell asleep first hate their life when they wake up.

Who the hell would even want to get near that guys ass...geebus

Aliens are reading his mind.

Looks to me like somebody pissed off the maid.

Danger, may cause suffocation.

If only chubbers could fit in my easy bake oven we would have biscuits.

Scene of the crime.

One of me...whos up for some pool?

Remember, we are your friends.

Good jam, better video

Banana Slash!

Ok so...here is a funny one. I am possibly considering stealing my friends wii so I can buy this game. Theres something about slitting bikini clad amazon ladies throats with a banana that appeals to me. The dolphin jizz projectile gun seems like good times also.

HAHA POWERBOMB VAGINA PUNCH! He just wrecked that digital amazon princess's ovaries.

Survey Says...Wait Really?

So I guess the stereotype that the French are "pricks" is possibly wrong. Maybe they are just really, really dumb. I'm hoping to God that the audience was full of "pricks" who wanted this guy to lose. By the way, what the hell is up with this le douche having a smoking hot lady?I guess when La Lune (moon) hits your eye like a big pizza pie its amore. Oh wait no, I forgot you can buy a wife off of the internet.

Are you phu-phucking serious?! HAHA

Wow, this poor, poor lady Sherri Shepherd from the View (a.k.a. lets all try and talk at the same time about stupid shit) has got to be one of my favorite people from here on out. Words cannot explain how intelligent she is...take a look at these videos and you will be thankful that you have a brain that works.

The world is flat? What the hell!? I was under the impression that it was the shape of a banana, my dumbass teacher lied to me in kindergarten, that bitch. Now I know the truth though, thanks Sherri! :)

You have got to be kidding me, really now. Oh wait no no she's right, Jesus came before everything and as a matter of fact if I know my history correctly, I think Fred Flinstone and Barney Rubble were disciples of Jesus. Yes, it's all starting to make sense now.

DomiKnoWs? We will see...

Get the door its the red headed step child of what once was called a pizza...ahem I mean Dominos. Apparently Dominos is going the same route as taco bell by bastardizing their food. It looks to me like this cripy melt "pizza" (if you want to call it a pizza) is a close relative to the crunch wrap supreme of taco bell fame. We will just have to see if it has the same violent diarrhea inducing qualities as its brethren. But, maybe just maybe this potential cardiac arrest inducing food of sorts is good. I think I'm going to have to take one for the team and see what this bad boy has to offer. If I am toilet ridden for the next couple of days though Dominos will be receiving a very unhappy email from me. Wish me luck, I have a feeling I'm going to need it.


http://www.dominos.com/home/menu/index.jsp

Yes I Was Staring At Your Boobs.

Yes I was staring at your boobs but, no I am not sorry. I consistenly find myself looking at womens jubblies, milk makers, tit canvas's, or whatever you choose to call the amazing mammaries. I even find myself looking at unatractive womens boobs because I'm a man and I have a penis and it somehow controls what I see and do. Yet as of today I will no longer feel embaressed by looking at boobies because according to research in Germany I can extend my life 4 to 5 years by taking in a healthy eyefull of breasts. So ladies, everytime you catch me undressing you with my eyes just think to yourself, "I'm saving this poor perverts life." Have mercy, sharing is caring.

http://news.softpedia.com/news/10-Minutes-Of-Staring-Boobs-Daily-Prolongs-Man-039-s-Life-by-5-Years-72490.shtml

Rock Band-Aid

I bought Rock Band the day it came out like the dork that I am having no musical talent at all. My brother laughs at me when I play and tells me to play a real instrument....but I dont know how to :( So to him I say screw you, let me pretend and play my plastic guitar (which is broken, I'll get to that), and playschool drum kit. Yes, Rock Band is great but, this leads me to the problem at hand with my plastic guitar. ITS BROKEN out of the box! (HOLD ON THOUGH) I'm not upset that my strum bar is broken and you can hear a piece of something shaking around in the body of the guitar. I'm not upset that I had spent $60 more on a guitar hero 2 controller so that I could actually play the game. I'm a nice, understanding guy, or as the French would call me "le pussy biotch". I moved onto the drums and had a fantastic time. I mean yea there is a sour taste in my mouth from the shotty workmanship of my plastic instrument peripherals (haha yea what should I of expected?) but the game is overwhelmingly fun while getting wasted and pretending to be rock stars with friends (Yes I have friends, SURPRISE!). EA has stepped up to the plate with the warranty and my new guitar is on the way and for that I am not TOO pissed. Buy this game, feel like a douche, and have way too much fun pretending to be somebody cool.

http://www.rockband.com/

Frozen Yogurt Anyone?

For the last few weeks I had been hearing rumblings about a video floating around the internets called 2 girls 1 cup. My friends tell me to watch it and say that it will change me forever. When my friends say something like this though I usually don't think it would be in my best interest to do what they say. But, I did and sweet Jebus this is the most God awful thing that I have ever seen. Cups, girls, the number 1 and 2 will never be the same to me ever again. But in all honesty its not that bad but, well....yea its some messed up shit actually. I recommend watching it but not really, but watch it. Here is the video impression of me watching this phenomenon unfold in front of my eyes while I lose all hope for mankind. NO link to the real video, you gotta look for it yourself, but you have been warned.
Enjoy